I’ve been so busy today that I actually had to schedule an emotional breakdown. It lasted a whole 3-4 minutes, but I was extremely grateful to have a much-needed moment to release some tears. Epic stuff happening in my world.

As many of you know, I’ve sort of re-injured my knee recently, which has been a major setback. I haven’t been able to exercise much beyond physical therapy, and my body is seriously missing those endorphins. This weekend I decided to push through the pain and do an “easy” hike and play my first volleyball game of the summer league. My knee is sore, but it felt amazing to get back out there. I felt ALIVE for the first time in awhile. That, on top of what I’m calling my current “spiritual bootcamp,” is doing wonders for my soul.

This morning I went to my second knee doctor for a follow-up. Unlike my first doc (who was all about doing an extreme surgery), this one thinks that, for my condition (severe chondromalacia patella) surgery should be postponed as long as possible. He wants to try a series of all-natural injections, which have a 60% success rate. We’re waiting to see if my health insurance will authorize it. If not, it would be a very expensive long shot (not unlike surgery in that way, but much less life-altering).

As I was leaving the doctor’s office, I got a message about my Papa. He’s in the hospital again. He was initially admitted for dizziness and dehydration, but after running more tests, it appears as though the cancer has spread even faster than we thought. He has at least two sizable tumors, and due to his health, he’s not really a candidate for treatment. Doctors have given him less than 6 months to live, and have suggested hospice. I don’t think I’ve fully processed this information.  I mean, I don’t know how to process the idea that the most important man in my life is slipping away. No matter how much “time” I’ll have with him on this earth – I’ll never really be ready. Meanwhile, my sweet grandma has gone almost completely blind, and is severely depressed. She can’t imagine living one day without the man who is her eyes and holds her heart.

On top of all this, I work about 12 hours straight everyday, and we’re still in the middle of relocating to our new offices. So…no time for emotional breakdowns.

I can get through the day by going through the motions, but that’s not how I want to operate. I know I’m broken. My Papa’s broken. We’re all broken in some way, and in need of grace. I happen to need a lot of it right now. I count it a blessing that I know the One who gives it without measure.

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