Did you know that men eventually suffer andropause, the male version of menopause?

I’m not making this up; I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.

Is it bad that I kind of chuckled when I stumbled upon this information? I mean, for all the $#%@#%^! women have to deal with, it’s kind of comforting to know that men will eventually suffer, too (muhahaha). In fact, it prompted me to write this admittedly smug letter…

______________________

Dear most men I know:

Yes, that means you, sexually promiscuous bachelors. You think you have all the time in the world to just $#% around with women, probably because you assume that you will age well (and either go bald or rock your gray hair with distinction), and have the ability to procreate well into your 70s.

Well, watch out, because it’s not all dirty in your 30’s. Your biological clock is ticking; the “pause” is coming for you, too. Your libido is going down, your muscles are atrophying, and you’re gonna get fat soon. If that doesn’t make you depressed then I’m sure the 10% drop in your hormones will. So take my advice, and find a good woman to stick by your side while you’ve still got it.

Or you could always try exercise, a healthy diet, Viagra, and hope for trophy girlfriends. I’m sure most of you will pick the latter route to “happiness.” But don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Signed,

I’d rather be single than date you anyway

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