I love this site. Admitting that surely brings me to new lows in many of your minds, but what can I say? I have a raunchy sense of humor. I picked some of my “cleaner” favs  to share here:

(301): Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.

(573): shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

(253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
(281): No. Just liquor. Time’s no good.

(612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
(952): what?
(612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

(812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

(317): when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

(206): Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.

(6008): Spent thirty minutes trying to wee in a cup for my STD test. If only I got that shy with boys I wouldn’t be in this predicament

(972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE ***(props to D-town)

(631): Come here. I’m drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.

(305): If she didn’t want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn’t have such a furry rug in there

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