I re-read this book twice in the last two weeks, partly because of the upcoming film release, and partly because I needed some truth and common sense repeated like a mantra into my life. I even whipped out the highlighter on my second read. I decided to share the wise and funny tidbits I highlighted in the book. I’ve separated them by the chapter headings, which are actually the guiding principles of the book. I put concepts in bold when they really hit home for me.

Introduction

“People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love. Big movies are made about it, and every relationship you admire bursts with a greatness that you hope for in your own life. And the more you value yourself, the more chance you’ll have of getting it.”

1. He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out.

My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you.” – Greg

There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn’t ever feel like I’m just waiting around for some guy to ask be out.” – Liz

2. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you.

“Men are cowards and they would rather wait until the end of time than give you bad news.” – Greg

“The word “busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. Men are never too busy to get what they want.” – Greg

“I know intellectually what I’m supposed to be getting from a relationship. But when faced with being offered less than that (sometimes a lot less than that), it’s hard to know exactly when to cut loose and move on.” – Liz

3. He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you.

“Let’s remember that the next incredible guy we meet with the ‘really good excuse’ is just another guy who’s hurting our feelings.” – Liz

“Beware of the word ‘friend.’ It can often be used by men or the women who love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.”

“A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself.”

“Better than nothing is not good enough for you!”

4. He’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you. [EDIT: This is my only disagreement with this book. I would edit this to say if “he doesn’t WANT to have sex with you,” or “doesn’t make you feel like a sexy goddess.” I believe that waiting to have sex with someone until you’ve made a life-long commitment to one another is an ultimate act of love and sacrifice, and intimacy can be shown in other ways.]

“There are lots of reasons a man might not want to take a friendship to the next level.” It really doesn’t matter what they are or if they make any sense to you. The bottom line is that when he imagines being with you more intimately (and trust me we do think about these things), he pauses and then says to himself, ‘Nah.’ Don’t spend any more time thinking about it, other than saying to yourself, ‘His loss.'” – Greg

“I know it’s nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that’s what pets are for. Pets are God’s way of saying, ‘Don’t lower the bar because you’re lonely.” – Greg

“I suffer from the affliction of believing I can have a wonderful man love me and be widly attracted to me…we deserve more than a slumber party.” – Liz

5. He’s not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else.

I didn’t highlight anything here. This one seemed like a no-brainer to me.

6. He’s just not that into ou if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk.

Again, no highlights.

7. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.

“‘I’m not ready.’ This is the most often used excuse in the world, but it always seems to do the trick. Women love waiting around for men to be ready. You women must enjoy it, because you do it so much of the time…how about you stop waiting – and start looking for that guy who can’t wait to love you?” – Greg

“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.” – Greg

8. He’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you.

Remember that the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.” – Greg

Cut him off. Let him miss you.” – Greg

“It’s very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less – even a vague, pathetic facsimile of less – than you would have ever imagined. Ladies, please keep your eye on the prize. Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less. If you can’t do it fo you, do it for everyone else. These guys are able to exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.”

[After a breakup.] “Always be classy. Never be crazy.” – Greg

“A guy says he doesn’t want to be with you. Sometimes that guy realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of this life. And then sometimes he doesn’t. Either way, your only job is to move on with your life, and fast. He can always try to chase you down as you’re running down the block.” – Greg

“Men are so obvious.” – Liz

“There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get together with your crappy ex boyfriend.”

9. He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you.

[on wanting to not let let a guy “get away” with¬†disappearing] “He’s not getting away with anything. Everywhere he goes, he’s still that same asshole.”

10. He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other variations of being unavailable).

You deserve to feel a powerful and profound love.

It’s never going to be good news if you have to think of your relationship in terms of “waiting for him.” He’s not a stock you’re supposed to be investing in. He’s a man who’s supposed to be emotionally available enought to talk to you, see you, and perhaps fall madly in love with you.”

The operative word here is ‘wait.’ You have to do the waiting – the biding your time, biting your toungue, keeping your needs quiet. He’s so special, that guy. He deserves to have you sit around, putting your life on hold, not getting what you want, while he takes his time sorting it all out. He’s that special. You, of course, aren’t at all.

“You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.”

11. He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak.

People who are in love with each other generally try to be nice. Some even get a kick out of treating their mate well and trying to make their life better. He may think he loves you, and maybe he does. But he’s really bad at it. And it’s exactly the same result as if he was just not that into you. Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you’re with is a big, selfish jerk. Chaces are Jerk Boy has been trying to show you who he is since day one.” – Greg

“Any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family – especially when they’re great.” – Greg

“Just beware: often these guys, once they do get their lives in order, feel so good about it that now they think they need to go find a new relationship. (After all, no girl of real quality would have put up with the kind of crap he had dished out for so long.) So I say let him go find himself…” – Greg

[why this one is hard] “I’m just going to come right out with it: There aren’t many good men around. Statistics prove it, articles and books have been written to verify it, and women would be happy to testify under oath about it. And there’s another one: There are more good women out there than good men. I bet you’ve heard that one said before. Oh, wait, there’s this one as well: A lot of men want to date much younger women, so as you get older, there are even fewer men that want to date you..so given the pure math of it, we’re all going to end up with great men…Exactly. It can’t happen. So yes, it seems logical, reasonable, and down right savvy for all the fantastic, smart, healthy, funny, kind women out there to start thinking about lowering their expectations. Beccause I don’t know about you, but I hate being single. I hate going to parties alone. I have sleeping alone. I hate waking up alone. I hate knowing that every single boring errand I have to do, I’m going to do it alone. I have not having sex. I hate cooking for one and shopping for one. I hate going to weddings. I hate people asking me why I’m still single. I hate people not asking me why I’m still single. I hate my birthday because I’m still single. I hate having to think about possibly becoming a single mother because I’m still single. Have I made myself clear? … Greg, are you really telling us that we should just stay single and picky and not settle (and thus not settle down) until we have met the person we think is the one? It’s really lonely out there.” – Liz

“Being lonely…sucks. But still I have to say that, yes, my true belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn’t honor the person you are, is worse. You are an excellent, foxy human being worthy of love, and the only way you can pursue that idea is by honoring yourself.”

13. now what to do?

“Try to notice, even just a tiny bit, how good it feels to be out of a reltionship with someone who actually wasn’t that into you. When you think about it, making all those excuses for someone and trying to ‘figure someone out’ takes up a lot of energy. Think of all the time you’ve opened up for so many other more positive things besides obsessing over him.”

“Reset your standards!”

14. Q&A with Greg

[on men being scared to initiate a first date] “Do you really have time for a guy who’s so afraid of you that he’s not even capable of inviting you for coffee?”

“You’ll never be able to be in a good relationship if you’re sticking with Mr. Shitty What’s His Name. Only you can know if the relationship you’re in isn’t good enough for you.

“By staying with the guy who’s not that into you, you are ensuring that you’re never going to find one that is.”

“Most men do not change, and the ones I’ve seen change only changed when they met new women.”

15. Closing remarks from Greg

“I believe in love the verb, not the noun.”

“Profound love is uplifting, joyous, inspriting, intoxicating…and you should never settle for anything less.”

“I believe life is a speedy and awesome gift, so don’t waste the pretty.”

16. Closing remarks from Liz

“[Greg] demands that men treat us better than even we think they should. We have been conditioned to expect so little, told not to be demanding, not to seem needy. But what would happen if all the women in the world listened to Greg – if we all started insisting that men keep true to their word, treat us with respect, shower us with the appropriate amount of love and affection? I think there would be an awful lot of better-behaved men in the world. That’s all I’m sayin.”

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