To keep with the theme of my previous post, I feel like I should share an article that’s been buzzed about within the Christian community:
The Good Christian Girl: A Fable | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction.
Most Christian women I know (including myself) can relate to this on a frightening level. The other night I was talking to my older and wiser male friend, and I asked him what he thought about this article. He reinforced my theory, which is that most of the male-dysfunction as far as relationships are concerned can be blamed on absent/lacking fathers. Without strong male role models to show boys how to be men, we have a bunch of “boys who can shave” running around without the necessary tools for manhood. They are perpetual adolescents striving to fill in their missing pieces with sex, expensive toys, and anything else that they think might make them feel more like a man. Unfortunately it takes a lot of time, persistence, and work for these boys to find those missing tools – and most don’t have a clue about how to find them.
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September 7, 2010 at 11:18 am
Jenna
Oh… Oh, how hard to read.
Thank you for posting, really resonates.
September 8, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Allison
Dude. That was awesome. Thank you for sharing! I love all the references to “the knowing ones.” Isn’t that so true? Everyone else seems to know how to run our lives for us!
September 8, 2010 at 7:46 pm
Billi London-Gray
I’d like to write for that column as a non-rep for xity today.
I think courtship is a warped trend within xity. I think the idea of waiting for courtship to materialize with some ready-made perfect match is a trap. It sets up this expectation of having divinely orchestrated relationships or assuming you’re obviously doing something against God’s will. Where else in life do things work that way? Of all the ways a life-long relationship can start, being under pressure to turn out perfect is probably the condition that will scuttle it the fastest.
And I totally agree with your role models statement. I would say that Daniel and I have a great marriage because our parents and our grandparents have modeled cooperation and commitment and respect in their marriages. It’s not because we have some merit and it’s not because people would’ve pegged us as a perfect match. It’s because our memories are filled with all the subtleties of how to share everything in life with some other person who makes you very crazy and very happy and very sad in turns. We don’t have to figure out from scratch how to make marriage work. We have personal guides.
I don’t know how good relationships come about. Being open-minded and not letting emotions (positive or negative) sweep your wits away, I guess. I certainly endorse having high standards, but, as is the case in all of life’s arenas, the trouble is figuring out whether the standards are from your own priorities or those of some opinionated spectator.
Sorry I’m so wordy. Thanks for the thought-provoking post, Betsy.