I just googled “how to say goodbye to someone you love.”

It’s the last day of my trip back “home” to see my grandparents. When I was hugging Papa on Friday, he held me and said, “My little girl…I wish I could live forever.” Heartbreaking and so incredibly sweet. The unfortunate truth is that he is on hospice, and is deteriorating quickly. This may be the last day I get to spend with both my grandparents while they are still here on this earth. And so I am faced with a seemingly impossible task: saying goodbye.

I have the worst memory ever (save actual mental patients), which is one of the reasons I take so many photos. Every day I’m afraid I’ll loose the details of him. His winkled hands. The life in his eyes. The tone of his voice. The way he sings his nicknames for me. The ridiculously lovely Italian phrases, randomly thrown into everyday conversation (and no, we’re not even Italian). I’ve wished I had a video camera for all the most memorable moments, so that I could hold onto them, and play them back for the future loves in my life: my not-yet-known husband, children, and family.

But today he is still here. And so is my sweet Grandma.  I still have a few precious hours to sit with them and the rest of my family. I don’t want to overthink it, and I don’t want to fall apart. I want to savor these moments, to be truly present and grateful for them.

Please pray for me.

Advertisement